from this whole horrible, horrible thing. you tell yourself you're supposed to be tough. you're supposed to tough this out. you're supposed to handle it well, whatever that possibly means. and it was quite clear to me that was not in the cards. as you say, for me, at least... that's one of the things that a group does... is that it tells you that "noal" covers a wide spectrum. and for me, at least, "normal" meant being incredibly vulnerable, and reaching out to a group, reaching out to my husband, and it changed my life in so many ways. cindy: one of my favorite things someone says is... "well, if that happened to me, i would just die." i go, "you know... you don't get to die." you have to wake up every morning and go, "okay, today i have, doctor appointment, radiation, blah, blah, blah." and you don't get to hide from it. you can take walks all day long, but it's still there when you come home.